We forgot to celebrate it yesterday, but November 18th was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ third wedding anniversary. And they said it wouldn’t last… because it probably won’t. Anyway, Star Magazine and Us Weekly decided to throw TomKat a little anniversary party, otherwise known as “Katie’s $15 Million Tell-All” and “Katie’s Regrets”. Star is claiming that Katie’s “contract” was only for three years (seriously?) and now Katie is a free agent, so she’s going to write a book about Tom’s “body obsessions” and “bizarre daily rituals.” Oh, and Tom might have a… wait for it… XenuMobile. Seriously! He might have a car where he can ride around and keep in constant contact with all of the disciples of Xenu. Because why use a phone when you could have a XenuMobile? Meanwhile, Us Weekly says Katie still has five (or maybe four?) years left on her “contract” and that Katie is totally miserable with Tom. Oh, and Tom calls Katie “stupid”, he “controls” her food intake, exercise schedule and her money. Here’s Jezebel’s summary:

Us Weekly: “Her Secret Deal.”
Katie Holmes is sad and lonely because she’s “committed herself” to a seven-year contract and Tom tells her what to wear, how to cut her hair and when to work out. “He even told her to be pale like Nicole [Kidman],” says a source. Meanwhile, Suri is 3 going on 30 with her heels and San Pelligrino and so on. As for Katie, the mag says her “situation” will “not improve until November 2013,” when her contract is up.

Star Magazine: “Katie’s $15 Million Tell All.”
Since her contract expires on November 18, Katie is “prepared to pen an explosive and embarrassing exposé” of her life behind closed doors. She COULD get $15 million for her confessions. Like: They have separate bedrooms, and she says it’s because Tom snores loudly, but Katie has hinted that they’ve never slept the whole night together.

Tom likes it when Katie wears sexy lingerie, and Tom likes to “parade around the house in military uniforms,” similar to the ones he wore in Top Gun, A Few Good Men and Valkyrie. “It makes him feel handsome,” according to a source.

Tom spends hours each day in front of the mirror, checking out his wrinkles and love handles. He also waxes his chest regularly and gets colonics. Tom lets Suri do whatever she wants and has already had to replace mahogany paneling twice in six months, because he lets her draw pictures on the walls.

And! “Katie may also decide to go public about Tom’s secret Scientology mobile unit. It’s a black American-made van that looks like a regular vehicle on the outside, but inside it’s fitted with high tech gadgets, monitors and computer equipment worth of a spy flick.” A source says Tom spends a ton of time in the van: “It’s how he keeps in touch with Scientologists all over the world. It’s padded on the inside, so that no one can hear anything on the outside. Not too many people get to see the inside of this thing.”

[From Jezebel]

The XenuMobile is still my favorite part. I wonder if that has any basis in reality. I kind of think it does, because Scientology doesn’t seem to have a basis in reality, so a XenuMobile would fit right in. Speaking of, there’s a senator in Australia who f-cking hates CoS with a passion. His name is Nick Xenophon, and he claims former CoS people has contacted him and made “allegations of false imprisonment, coerced abortions and embezzlement of church funds.” Xenophon wants Australia to deny CoS’s tax exempt status, and perhaps encourage larger legal repercussions. Read the Huffington Post’s report if you don’t believe me! The “coerced abortions” thing is totally freaky. Ugh… Xenu will not be happy.

Star Magazine and Us Weekly covers courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional photos of Tom Cruise (in Long Island) on his anniversary, jogging with a guard. Credit: Swarbrick/INFphoto.com. Additional photo of Katie Holmes on the set of ‘The Romantics’ on November 17, 2009. Credit: Pacific Coast News