Over the weekend, the Mail did a lengthy fever-dream report about how Prince Harry and Meghan had fallen out with David and Victoria Beckham. There’s no evidence of any deep and abiding friendship between the two couples, much less evidence of a falling out. The flimsy evidence used by the Mail was along the lines of “the Sussexes didn’t fly to Florida for a soccer game” and “this random source insists that the Beckhams have been Markled!” All of which leads me to one of my favorite genres of royal reporting: British commentators Britsplaining America and American culture. You see, according to the Telegraph, all Americans love the Beckhams because they’re so hard-working, but all Americans hate the Sussexes because they’re so elitist and royal. At no point is there any kind of acknowledgement that the majority of Americans see the Beckhams and Sussexes the same way: as celebrities who exist and do their own thing and most of us aren’t living and dying by their actions either way.

Work-obsessed America: Grafting, rather than grifting, is key in work-obsessed America. But not everyone is successful in cracking the code to winning over the US. When David Beckham arrived in Miami in 2007 to promote “soccer”, few felt the Brit and his seemingly fame-hungry wife would make much impact. Harry and Meghan, meanwhile, were far more fêted than the Beckhams when they first landed on American soil. But as they are finding out, it’s a long game – and the Beckhams are a salutary tale for the Sussexes, who are watching their popularity rapidly fade.

David and Victoria’s glittering success of life in the US. Not only do they have all the trappings of the American dream – a $23 million penthouse in Miami Beach; Eva Longoria, Kate Beckinsale and Tom Cruise on speed-dial; an ultra-close family unit and billionaire Floridian in-laws (the Peltzes) – they also have a real purpose there. Victoria, whose fashion and beauty lines are still considered to be relatively small by US standards, is also seen as a striver. She has grown her brand in the US by regularly showing at New York Fashion Week.

The Sussexes are without hope: They are still working with Netflix – for which they said they would focus “on creating content that informs but also gives hope” when they signed a reported $100 million deal in 2020. Thus far, however, all they’ve released is Harry & Meghan, a not-exactly-hopeful documentary that mostly saw them complain about the Royal family. And this, unfortunately, is the crux of their issue. As the chart-topping sales of Harry’s biography Spare prove, the world is fascinated by their gripes with King Charles and the Prince and Princess of Wales, but not much interested in anything else they may have to say. Compare that with the Beckhams, who have rarely publicly complained about their often harsh treatment at the hands of the tabloids.

The Sussexes’ unique selling point: India McTaggart, The Telegraph’s royal correspondent, says the Duke and Duchess of Sussex gave away their trump card too early in their move to rebrand themselves in the US – “and ultimately what they currently sell is a finite story that appears to be running out of road for their American audience.” Meanwhile, the Beckhams built a brand based on decades of hard work in their respective industries. “It appears that the Sussexes have yet to find their ‘unique selling point’ besides their experiences as former working royals – and therein may lie the problem of what many Americans perceive to be dwindling star-power,” she adds. “It remains to be seen whether they can be retained when they pivot to non-royal-related content.”

Americans hate virtue-signaling! PR guru Nick Ede says that while the Beckhams use their platform “for good and not in a virtue-signalling way”, the same can not be said for team Sussex. “I feel that Meghan and Harry haven’t earned their stripes; what have they actually done?” he says. “What have they brought into the US economy?”

Elitist & entitled, unlike the Windsors! Jack Izzard, CEO of Rhizome Media Group, says that the Sussexes’ failure to crack America lies in their inability to represent the American dream. “The Beckhams embody the American dream in a way that the Sussexes never can,” he notes. “The Beckhams combine clear talent and prodigious hard work. In contrast, the Sussexes exude entitlement in a very un-American way. That’s the ironic thing, because one of them is American!”

[From The Telegraph]

There are like 50 more quotes from brand-experts and even mentions of those completely ridiculous polls conducted about Harry and Meghan’s popularity in America. This is something fundamental I wish Britain would understand: in America, unless someone is running for office, no one gives a f–k about their poll numbers. It’s a waste of time, money and effort to canvas Americans for their thoughts on two people who are not running for office or doing anything but live their lives. It’s also sort of funny that these people are desperately trying to make “let’s compare and contrast the Beckhams and the Sussexes” into a thing because, well, how do I say this? While many Americans know who the Beckhams are, the Beckhams aren’t crazy-famous here like they are in the UK. That’s a huge part of the appeal for David and Victoria – they can exist here without a rabid press breathing down their necks, they can leave their home and go and do things in a bubble of privacy. Which is kind of the reason why the Sussexes moved here too.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images.