Update: Thanks to commentor moogle for the link to the video above. It was also on YouTube and posted by RadarOnline, but that video has been removed.

The “church” of Scientology is known for lawsuits and threats to control all negative coverage, so it’s not surprising that a nine minute promotional video for the cult that showed Tom Cruise ranting about how he held the key to happiness has been promptly removed. Gawker has some excerpts, though, and The Huffington Post has screenshots. They say the film was removed within a half hour of the time it was posted.

Mark Ebner, the investigative reporter, just emailed us links to some Scientology promotional videos. [Cruise Biographer] Morton’s central claim is that Cruise, star of movies from Risky Business to Mission Impossible, is the effective number two of the Church of Scientology, the cultish religion founded by L. Ron Hubbard, and subscribed to by other eccentric Hollywood actors such as John Travolta. The videos bear out, at the very least, that Cruise is central to the organization’s marketing efforts. In this amazing clip, to a background track of theme from Mission Impossible, Cruise explains how Scientologists are “the authorities on the mind”, the only people who can bring peace and unite cultures. Watch it, after the jump, before the scary Scientologists silence us all.

[Quotes from Cruise] “When you’re a Scientologist, and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one who can really help. We are the authorities on getting people off drugs. We are the authorities on the mind…. We are the way to happiness. We can bring peace and unite cultures. Now is the time. Being a Scientologist. People are turning to you. If you are a Scientologist, you see things the way they are, in all their glory, in all their complexity… It’s rough and tumble. It’s wild and woolly. It’s a blast. It really is. It is fun. Because damn it, there is nothing better than going out there and fighting the fight, and suddenly you see — boom! — things are better. I want to know that I’ve done everything I can do, every day… I do what I can. And I do it the way I do everything.”

[From Gawker.com]

We have a healthy fear of these people, because they have threatened us too for even a smidgen of negative coverage about them. I honestly don’t think Tom Cruise is gay, but crazy and scary, he definitely is.

Last week an article in US Weekly that Katie Holmes was set to run the Boston Marathon was mysteriously removed instead of being updated with a correction.

And we’ve heard about the suspicious deaths of a couple last summer who were supposedly friends of the musician Beck, who was born into a Scientologist family. One of the couple penned a screenplay about a musician who escaped a cult just like Scientology with the help of fans who stage a fake kidnapping. The woman who wrote the screenplay committed suicide after telling her friends repeatedly how she was harassed by Scientologists. The woman’s partner also committed suicide a week later by walking into the ocean. As of now, two out of three stories we’ve found on the double suicide with links to Scientology have been removed. One story, critical of the dead woman, remains available. Beck has denied any involvement with the couple and says he did not know them well. Here’s a link to a longer Vanity Fair article about the couple. [Thanks to commentor Breederina]

So we’ll probably never see these videos of Cruise ranting about how great his personal brand of salvation is. Given his very public couch-jumping and angry interview with Matt Lauer, we can all imagine what he looked like.

Hey look – isn’t Suri cute and isn’t his young bride so glamorous? I love her hair! Is she pregnant again? Wouldn’t that be nice? How harmless and privileged they all are.