James Middleton’s tawdry pseudo-memoir, Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life, has come out or is about to come out. Various outlets on both sides of the Atlantic have already published excerpts from the book, and it seems to be about James’s mental health and his associations with the Windsors in equal measure. So, I have to apologize for something? Months ago, Tatler was trying to hype the book and they revealed that James wrote about his visits to various palaces and castles, and he apparently also visited Highgrove. Highgrove is King Charles’s estate and I had a hard time imagining why James would even be invited there, much less with his dog? Because that’s his excuse for talking about the Windsors, he’s always talking about how the Windsors were nice to his dog and how Ella always got into adventures whenever she stayed at a royal property. Well, the Highgrove story is apparently true. Not only that, James claims to have stayed at the big house in Sandringham. Oh really?? This excerpt is via the Mail:

Whenever we visited Sandringham, the Queen, being a dog lover herself, welcomed Ella, and later her offspring Tilly and Zulu went, too. Her Majesty was always concerned about their wellbeing, and knowing the special place Ella held in my heart, allowed her unprecedented privileges.

‘Did you get my message, James?’ she asked me the first time I visited. ‘Ella is welcome to stay in your room.’ How thoughtful of the Queen to make a special concession for Ella. Naturally she wasn’t allowed to wander at will round the grand house, so I kept popping up to check on her and take her for walks.

On one visit, I didn’t close the bedroom door properly, and Ella made it her mission to find me and demonstrate her annoyance at being left behind. I didn’t realise this until a footman glided up to me and whispered: ‘I believe your dog has found her way into the kitchen.’ I quickly made my excuses and followed him to find a delighted Ella lying on her back, having her tummy rubbed by a friendly chef.

Ella made quite a habit of ambling off during family occasions. One Christmas, I popped into Highgrove to visit Catherine and William, who were staying with the King, who was then Prince Charles. Catherine and I were having a catch-up over a cup of tea and Ella was sitting at my feet. Then I realised she had wandered off. It wasn’t till later that I learned that she had made her way up to a private bathroom and had pushed open the door to say hello to the occupant as they were having a bath. I was absolutely mortified.

I didn’t imagine the Queen would ever find out about Ella’s little adventure into the Sandringham kitchens, but nothing escaped her. She said to me: ‘I hear Ella had a nice little wander round earlier.’ I apologised profusely, expecting a gentle telling-off.

Instead, with the understanding that comes from long association with dogs, she gave me a conspiratorial smile and said: ‘Well, dogs will be dogs.’ Everyone knows about her corgis, but few are aware that she also had a line of spaniels. One lunchtime, we were engrossed in a long conversation about them, and I was thrilled to discover she was extremely knowledgeable about the breed. She was always kind and solicitous about my dogs, too. ‘Have you taken Ella out, James?’ or ‘Are your dogs happy?’ she’d ask with genuine concern.

[From The Daily Mail]

Real question: do you believe any of this? Do you believe that William and Kate stayed at Highgrove one Christmas and that James “popped by”? Do you believe that James and Ella were regulars at Sandringham and that Queen Elizabeth was fond of talking about dogs with Kate’s brother? It all seems so bizarre, and the framing of it is making me lose my mind. Like, the whole world revolved around Ella, and every single person understood that James had a single-minded devotion to this dog?

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.