Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles: legendary boozer Keith Richards has given up alcohol after seeing the complete train wreck of a life his band-mate Ronnie Wood has made for himself. Sources say that Richards, who famously was so drunk that he didn’t remember composing the guitar lick for the Rolling Stones’ signature song “Satisfaction,” is now retracting his previous vow to drink until the end of his life, thanks to Ron Wood’s non-stop drunken tour of elderly embarrassment that included an affair with a woman young enough to be his grand-daughter.

Keith Richards hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol for over four months, despite previously vowing to drink forever after outliving several doctors who had told him to give up it up.

But four years ago Richards, who has a face like a crinkle cut chip, suffered a brain haemorrhage after he fell out of a palm tree on an alcohol soaked holiday with Wood. And now he’s determined not to end up like Wood, who’ll be partying with The Saturdays and Amelle Berrabah by the end of this week.

A source said:

“He has always quite enjoyed the fact that he seemed to be able to carry on drinking as much as he liked with no real negative impact on his health.

“But he has watched Ronnie fall well and truly off the wagon last year and he doesn’t like what he sees. Plus he has started to feel for the first time like it might do him some good to give up the booze for a while.”

[From Holy Moly]

This whole situation with Ron Wood is kind of fascinating to me. It seems like everyone else around him is learning a valuable life lesson. His long-suffering wife, Jo, has learned that her life is much better without him. His now-ex-girlfriend, Katia Ivanova, is learning that she likes being the former girlfriend of “Grandpa Punchy (TM Kaiser),” because it gets her magazine spreads and TV appearances. And Keith Richards has finally woken up to the fact that an old drunk just isn’t cool – even if that old drunk is wearing leather pants. This is pretty big news. I mean, we’re talking about a guy who allegedly snorted his dad’s cremated remains. I guess the next question is: when will Ron Wood himself learn something?