Ethan Slater was not a big part of Wicked’s promotional tour. He attended the premieres and gave some interviews, but he and Ariana Grande did not make any kind of coupled-up appearances on red carpets or whatever. It was in July 2023 when all hell broke loose – that was when Ethan and Ariana’s relationship became public knowledge, that’s when we learned that Ariana had left her husband, and that’s when he learned that Ethan was married to his high-school sweetheart, a woman named Lilly Jay, and they had an infant son. Ariana and Ethan’s affair blew up both of their marriages and it definitely hurt Ariana’s image – as Lilly said in a rare public comment, Ari is “not a girl’s girl.” Well, now that dust has settled and Lilly and Ethan’s divorce has been finalized, Lilly Jay wrote a personal essay in The Cut about what she’s learned and how everything went wrong. She’s actually Dr. Lilly Jay, clinical psychologist in perinatal mental health & child development. You can read her essay here. Some highlights:
Mourning her marriage: No one gets married thinking they’ll get divorced, in the same way we don’t board a plane expecting to crash. But I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity. In this season of shock and mourning, over a year after the end of my marriage was made public, I deeply miss the life of invisibility I created for myself as a psychologist specializing in women’s mental health.
Giving birth to her son: During my pregnancy, I had never felt happier nor more aware of how precarious happiness could be. When my baby was first placed on my chest, still tethered to me by his umbilical cord, I sobbed with relief. We had done it. He had arrived. I survived preeclampsia, a life-threatening birth complication, and finally, our family was whole. Mine is a story of worrying in the wrong direction. As a perinatal psychologist, I knew all the statistics — how vulnerable a marriage is in the postpartum period, how vital community connection is in preventing depression and anxiety, how new parenthood impacts a whole family — but I confidently moved to another country with my 2-month-old baby and my husband to support his career. Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.
Accepting her new divorced life: Motherhood, I have learned, fills your time but not your mind. In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, marveling at his sweaty little hands grasping a crayon, I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage. This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child. While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not. Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided. As for me, days with my son are sunny. Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker.
She’s lost jobs because her husband banged Ariana Grande: It’s hard to measure an absence, and I can’t say for sure how much my career has been impacted by what’s out there online. But there have been hints along the way, like the job offer that dissolved without explanation after yet another tabloid news cycle or the patient who’s scheduled for a first appointment but seemingly vanishes. On my darker days, I railed against the unfairness of a public divorce, asking my therapist…Who would trust a cardiologist who had a heart attack because they never got an EKG? Of course, I am not owed anything, whether it be a job or the privilege of being any given person’s psychologist. Still, even as someone who spent years researching how people respond to ambiguity, I hate not knowing if the way my story has been told has impacted my opportunity to help others sort through their stories.
“Who would trust a cardiologist who had a heart attack because they never got an EKG?” She’s being incredibly unfair to herself and unfair to her would-be patients. While I’m sure the job offers have withered away because of her husband’s sleazy tabloid dramas, her personal experiences will make her a better therapist, a more understanding and empathetic therapist. No one goes into therapy wishing that their therapist was perfect and in a perfectly happy nuclear family. That’s not the way any of this works. Dr. Jay writing this after Wicked’s promotion has finally ceased, but while the awards season is ramping up… that’s a choice. A really great choice, truly, because Ariana is getting a lot of heat for awards. Dr. Jay is like… btw, this woman f–ked my husband and destroyed my marriage when our son wasn’t even one year old, and their affair has hurt me professionally, psychologically and financially. Well played, Dr. Jay.
Photos courtesy of Instagram, Cover Images.
This was an incredibly gorgeous essay. She’s a hell of a writer and clearly an incredible therapist and person. I read it yesterday and highly recommend it.
She’s clearly very intelligent and articulate.
Meanwhile, Ariana is like, “I have a belly button.” Good luck with that, SpongeBob.
LOL!
“Ariana is like, “I have a belly button.” Good luck with that, SpongeBob.”….thank you, I snort laughed, that was poetry I tell you!! LOL
Oh perfect!
Ethan deserves plenty of blame. He relocated his wife and son so he could work and then made the decision to blow up his own marriage.
He looks like Raggedy Andy to me, and his ex wife is gorgeous AND smart. Hope she finds somebody more worthy!
I hope she turns this into a movie, she’s a great writer and there’s a lot of material here.
I’m pretty sure turning the worst experience of her life into a movie is not something she’s looking for. Quite the opposite, she seems ferociously private only using this essay as a kind of catharsis rather than a tell-all. Completely agree that she’s a great writer, though.
Could not agree more! I found it moving and engaging. And timely.
I’d love for her to be a regular contributor somewhere writing about what she specializes in (ex. the Cut or Romper). The world could use more of Dr. Lilly Jay and it would be awesome for her to turn this horrendous experience into an opportunity to reach more people in addition to her 1 on 1 therapy (if she would enjoy it).
I pulled it up on Apple News, but decided to read later having read the excerpt here. I have loads of respect for Dr Lily Jay and the way she’s conducted herself in the media maelstrom brought to her doorstep by her unfaithful husband, and his girlfriend who pretended to be Ms Jay’s friend. I can’t even imagine how it feels to have your husband’s girlfriend cooing over and wanting to hold your new baby. Ick Ariana. I liked the headline for her essay “How Does My Divorce Make You Feel?”
How did Spongebob land this woman in the first place???
I agree!
Smart&Messy, High School sweethearts. They got together before they were 25.
Some brilliant people have deep self-esteem issues. I think parts of her essay give that (but english is not my first language so maybe I got this wrong). But maybe that can explain why she ended up with him in the first place and also why he left her for the dumb girl.
IDK if I’d say self esteem issues, but they met as teenagers, and I suspect they were both very bookish types probably in a school that was cliquish. Either way, he seriously traded down and she has no where to go but up.
Thank you!
Dr Jay is far too good for him. I wish her the best going forward.
As for Ariana – I know going after married/partnered men is her kink, but surely she could’ve found someone more appealing than SpongeBob?
Given his actions I find it hard to believe he has some warm/magnetic personality. He seems unattractive both inside and out. I just don’t get his appeal, at all.
This is so beautifully written.
I wish Lily and her son nothing but peace and happiness. My only critique on the essay is I wish the cut had held it back until the first day of Oscar voting. A movie no matter how good is not worth the destruction of a hard working and supportive woman that got duped by an ass or her son when the boy is only 2 months old.
What a very unattractive man he is . She is way out of his league .
Wanted to add that this quote “Who would trust a cardiologist who had a heart attack because they never got an EKG?” is, I believe, about the fact that she has a phycologist herself, and not about her husband leaving her.
I agree, i think that’s what she means.
AG is not blameless here… her husband is the person she should blame and is the one who owed her loyalty. I am sorry for her pain but I am tired of society blaming the other woman as if the man is powerless instead of a sleaze ball.
I am conflicted here because society is unfair to women yet women themselves contribute to that. People shouldn’t stay together because of kids… it is better to have happy separated parents than unhappy married ones (I think)
I wish her well!
AG isn’t innocent, and ITA with you, VS, that ES is the main guy to blame. He’s the one she married, moved across an ocean for, betrayed her, and because of the public nature of that betrayal he also apparently cost her work.
This was really well written. I hope she finds closure, and I don’t know if I respect or side-eye the timing of this article.
Respect. They timed their affair in the cruelest of ways. She can time her article as she wishes.
I don’t agree with her timing, not because of how it’s perceived by the public, but because AG feeds on this kind of attention and she will cling to Spongebob some more just to prove a point. Without the spotlight directed on how they hurt a lot of people, AG will get bored of him superfast and ditch him. I know it would be no consolation to Lilly, but I’m selfish and I want to see those idiots faceplant in public.
I would have published this after they announce their break up, just to rub it in for Spongebob.
It sounds like Dr. Jay THOUGHT she was happy until she was blindsided by her now ex-husband’s cruel behavior.
Obviously she is upset and hurt by what ES did.
At the same time it is a silly sentiment to say someone “can’t be mad” at the other person when said person had spent time with ES , Dr. Jay, and their baby either prior to or during her affair with the man.
It isn’t like AG had no idea ES was married with a new born baby. Also it isn’t as though this is some magic love story that AG could spin as though she “got so caught up in true love” that she did something uncharacteristic of her.
In addition, if ES left her for adult extra #15 instead of Ari, her pain would be private and not the subject of published gossip. So even if 100% of the blame for the affair is on him, a lot of the extra pain she is describing comes from who he cheated with.
While I do believe that kids are better with seperated parents who can coparent than married parents who hate each other leaving your wife and child to go bang a popstar when the baby is only a few months old is being a terrible parent(and humanbeing) That is a really vulnerable time for a mother and that affects your child; your focus during that time should be supporting them not causing them unnecessary pain.
I’m surprised it wasn’t included here; but in her essay she mentions that she also had post-partum depression – which is new information. And hooooo boy… it just makes it soooo much worse. Women with PPD/PND need so much support and help. ES truly is an awful man. I don’t care if he fell in love. To cheat on and leave a partner with PPD is the lowest of the lows. One of the greatest betrayals. And AG is truly a bad person for taking part too.
AND when your wife is struggling with PPD / PND (mentioned in the essay). Even worse.
While I completely agree that her ex is 100% responsible here, I also recall that she once said Ari was pretending to be her friend and visited them at home, as it turned out fu@@@ her husband at the same time. So yeah, she is also an a&hole in this story, big time.
AGREE.
Ari was also married, with an obligation to someone who also ended up hurt. So yes to “let’s not blame the other woman, blame the straying husband.” But also yes to “let’s blame the straying wife for committing her own betrayals.”
Isn’t having an affair with another woman’s husband being “unfair” to that woman. Blaming somebody for what they did is less unfair than that.
This intelligent, accomplished and beautiful female just read those 2 traitorous muppets for absolute filth. That was written with a scalpel and I am here for it. Dr Lilly just served it COLD.
I’m also deeply confused by what Ariana saw in this guy? Why jeopardize your marriage and potentially your career for someone like this?
Because he is exactly her type: with someone else.
Ariana probably just dates whoever caters to her ego. Wedding vows be damned
We all saw with Pete Davidson that Ari loves a guy who can’t believe his luck getting a beautiful pop star in his bed. She seems super shallow.
Idk. If I was looking for a therapist right now, I would definitely give her a shot. She sounds so grounded. She will gradually come to realize that she is better off without SpongeBob. He, on the other hand, has made a huge mistake he will come to regret.
Yup, Ariana will be on to the next one soon enough like she always is and be fine. He’ll be left behind, alone and probably bearing the brunt of their eventual breakup. Her fans are already mad his cheating has inconvenienced Ariana *eye roll*
“Some of what you loved most about your partner was actually your own goodness reflected back to you; it’s yours to keep and carry forward.”
That was a very beautiful essay. Her ex-husband didn’t just cheat on her, he destroyed her job opportunities, her financial future. I didn’t know that psychologists are so careful about not having personal social media presence in order to keep distance between themselves and their patients. When her marriage blew up in front of the world, she lost that anonymity forever and her ex-husband knew how important that was for her job. He didn’t care for any of it, but his d*ck. If you as a new father have time to grow a new relationship with your coworker, there is no f*cking way you were a present father / husband, especially when the mother of your baby is dealing with healing, postpartum depression.
She shouldn’t be ashamed and hide because of her husband’s actions. Without her consent and permission, her marriage was commented on by strangers, anonymous sources to the tabloids, saying that it was already done, they were separated just to make two cheaters look good. I am glad, she shared this with her own words and she will have nothing but peace and happiness.
@sevenblue – thank you for sharing very astute observation. I’m also glad she shared in her own words what is important to her. It absolutely sickened me a few months back when some were saying she was working overtime talking to all the tabloids to get her own side of the story out. Uh, definitely not. Her phone was probably ringing off the hook from every sleazy tabloid writer hunting her down instead.
Wow, Ethan Slater really abandoned his newborn baby and his wife who just gave birth, the woman who he supposedly loved since high school. If he didn’t love her anymore, if there were problems in the marriage, before a pregnancy or months after the baby was born would have been so much better timing for a divorce. Very selfish of him.
He not only abandoned her – he let her move to animals country, with a newborn, probably separated from any family/friends support system and then abandoned her. This bile. Motherhood can be isolating in itself, she had to be almost a singe mom (considering his work he was probably never around, also busy with new affair) and then endure break up in a foreign environment. He really did a number on her and I looking forward to see what karma has for him in the near future.
This is such a brilliant essay, and I wish nothing but the best for Dr Lilly and her son.
May she be able to find peace and heal.
As to the other two, I’m sure the countdown clock was started some time ago, ending after Oscar season.
I totally agree with you. And, contrary to some have said about the timing of her article, I personally don’t think that it was calculated “for awards season” or mistimed, or whatever. She (wisely) didn’t write it when she was freshly experiencing the first shock and devastation she must have felt when finding out about her husband. She also allowed enough time to pass where she could acknowledge the ex-husband’s love for their child, and that takes time, effort and maturity. There was also sufficient distance for her to notice any impact on her career, but even then, she did not seem to blame her husband or “the other woman”, instead she pointed to the public situation, which her prospective patients may have heard about as the reason they didn’t follow through with their appointments.
I also see what she meant by that, even though new patients don’t think about their therapists/psychologists’ private lives, they also view them mainly as a mixture of experience, knowledge, sympathy, etc. The messy publicity involved with a new psychologists’ divorce, betrayal, and her own pain adds more unnecessary elements to her background. As a professional, she also cares about the way she presents herself, so I can see her concerns.
I don’t know how this comment ended up here, it was meant as a response to a comment about award season, or A. Grande’s chances for a nomination, which I don’t think were a concern for Lilly J. To me, this essay was more about her own healing process and caring for her son, and not doing anything that would damage him, which she showed by being incredibly generous to her ex-husband.
“No one goes into therapy wishing that their therapist was perfect and in a perfectly happy nuclear family. That’s not the way any of this works.”
I think you underestimate how dumb people can be.
Lily is a talented writer who has bravely shared how her life was upended because of all this mess. While it’s important to remember that her husband’s infidelity was the root cause of the situation. Ariana, the other party involved, didn’t consider Lily’s feelings when she started a relationship with Lily’s former husband during Lily’s vulnerable postpartum period. Now, during awards season, it’s not Lily’s responsibility to protect Ariana.
Beautifully written. Throughout this ordeal, Dr. Lilly Jay has shown herself to be intelligent, straightforward and classy. She hasn’t bad-mouthed her ex or attacked Ari; she has stated facts and let them speak for themselves, speaking about her experience and how she’s dealt with it.
I feel deeply sorry for her. This was not her drama, and it must have been horrendous to move with a new baby and have this all over the press. It will all start up again with the awards season and then part 2 of the film.
This is one of the many reasons I would not want to be famous or famous adjacent as you have no control over the whirlwind of a situation like this.
I feel horrible for her too. She didn’t deserve this. I’m wondering how this even happened if they were filming in London and she and the baby were living in London with him? That somehow makes it a million times worse. This whole time I thought she was in the states and he was off filming and philandering. The fact she and their baby were there throughout much of this nonsense is really… especially gross. Living under the same roof while you perpetuate this kind of emotional abuse is doubly repulsive. Especially after seeing the film and how his character interacted with Ariana’s, his character in the film openly worships her, only to be rejected and dismissed by her. I mean, when it blows up in his face as it probably will, he can never say the signs weren’t there… they were written into the script.
I think at the time the affair news came out, some of the tea was that Arianna had been spending time with them as a couple and cooing over the baby. I think there were like Insta stories that snap shotted her spending time with them. Which makes AG and Ethan The WORST.
It really does. Which to me means, that man was smiling in her face and sneaking off to have sex with someone else. That BS, his marriage was over thing he tried to push out there never made a bit of sense to me at all. You can’t say your marriage is over and not have an actual conversation with your freaking wife or husband about it. Oh wait, Ben Affleck did. SMH.
Many years ago when my then boyfriend, a lawyer, was handling a female client’s divorce, he felt sorry for her. Her soon-to-be ex husband was pretty sleazy and my BF was fighting hard for a decent settlement. He would bring her over for dinner and wanted me to befriend her so I did. She was kind of mousy and introverted but I put it down to the stress of going through a contentious divorce. Long story she was having an affair with my boyfriend. I found out through some suggestive phone messages she left on our machine (the days before private voice/email/texts) and I left the relationship immediately. AG and ES remind me of them — absolutely no integrity, guilt or remorse for wrecking Dr. Jay’s life and career. They are both despicable, selfish and remorseless people who are so obsessed with their own celebrity that they feel they don’t have to operate by the normal rules of considerate, moral behavior. Fingers crossed once all the fervor over this movie dies down so does their narcissistic, self-indulgent excuse for a relationship.
Rarely see elegant writing like this these days. The way she laid out her experience, and the value placed on her privacy, and how carelessly that was breached, was excellent. I’m glad she spoke up about the impact on her.
If you’ve seen Wicked, you know about this dude’s story arc of pretending to like a disabled girl in order to get Glinda’s approval. It was appalling and so on-point for him. I’m so glad Dr. Jay isn’t staying quiet!
I am amazed at her grace and her restraint. And her writing. I feel like she could write an amazing memoir and sell the movie rights.
Grace and restraint? Why would she, as a private citizen, have gone public with it, other than to be vicious? Marriages end all the time, and it’s incredible to me that people are just as judgemental about celebrities’ private lives as they were in the 1950’s! Get a life, people!
Maybe she went public because she deserved to tell her side and not just be a victim of Ariana’s and Ethan’s PR and whitewashing of their actions? You are being incredibly judgmental of her (LOL) and other commenters while decrying others judging .
Why should she slither in the shadows? Seriously? I don’t get people who act like if you are done wrong that you should shut up about it? Unless it’s some random white man screaming he’s been wronged by society, you all eat that mess up.
Hmm, might it be because Ariana’s PR team was lying on her marriage? Her child is gonna read all of it one day. Why should she let people lie on her life? She already lost jobs because of these cheaters and she showed a lot of restraints. A lot of people (men and women) in her shoes would go scorched earth.
Lol @anonymous — I think you’re looking for the Ariana fan forum.
Everything Lily wrote was more insightful, eloquent and heartfelt than anything you could spit out.
It was already public! She did not make it public, the 2 folks in the movie did that.
You know what is vicious? Cheating on your postpartum wife with your coworker that you have brought into your home and given your baby to cuddle. When Ariana inevitably dumps his googly-eyed ass and the wife refuses to take him back, it will be glorious.
ETA, if anyone deserves to be allowed to make a public judgment about this situation, it is Lilly Jay!
Hi, Ari, how’s Wicked going?
🍾🍾🍾
Are you saying people aren’t allowed to tell their side of the story? She’s not doing this to get revenge or beat her own self-pity drum, she’s doing it to right a huge wrong and share with people how a adulterous break-up can have a negative effect on many things including your career, not just your self-esteem. Never mind that she was a new mother and dealing with all that entails. She states she’s lost clients as a result, her career was in jeopardy.
There are always 2 sides to every story and both deserve to be told, especially from the one who’s been wronged. She didn’t do this to be viscous, she did it to provide support to others who have been cruelly sabotaged by an unfaithful partner.
I read it only because I have a Psy degree and subscribe to the Cut. Had no idea who she was. It does not focus on “Etharian” but the realization that her professional qualifications could not shield her from a situation she routinely helps others go through. While she felt her own post-partum depression was maybe a mark of failure, the world outside questioned her professionalism because she had lost her professional anonymity. I had to google her afterward to even understand who she could be. She didn’t throw anyone under the bus. I hope she finds happiness and love before he tries to come back. She deserves better.
I agree Anonymous. At this point you would have expected her to have moved on for the good of her mental health and the wellbeing of her child. The only reason why she wrote this essay at this time was to jeopardize Ariana’s chance at an Oscar nomination. Although, I doubt very much that this essay will influence any Academy voters. Ariana has received numerous award nominations and accolades for her performance all of which are well deserved, The one thing I will never understand is why women blame some women when there is a break down of a marriage and other women they don’t blame. Where was all this venom last year when women were on the Greta Gerwig train. After all, Greta came between Jennifer Jason Leigh and Noah Baumbach. Jennifer and Noah had a young baby when their marriage ended and he quickly moved on to Greta. I guess it was more fun to dress head to toe in bubble gum pink outfits to see a movie about a doll than to question whether the director of the film is a “girl’s girl”. It seems as if the women who are talented and attractive always get the criticism (Ex.: Ariana Grande and Angelina Jolie)..
OMFG this is not about Ariana’s fucking Oscar chances but the fact that Lilly’s husband had a fucking affair on her when she was home taking care of his first newborn.
You people are seriously gross with your desperate reaching in an attempt to smear this woman. She’s the victim here, not Ariana fucking Grande.
Ignoto, since they were high school sweethearts that means they were together many years. I think you might be measuring her response to what your own would be. I think she has come through quite well. You might want to go back and read what she wrote. She wrote about herself. No one gets to tell her how she feels or how any situation affects her life.
It appears that Lilly has hit a nerve with some people. It’s something to think about and work on.
OMFG this does have something to do with Ariana’s Oscar chance when Lily mentions not being able to escape the promotion of the movie. What better way to strike back than write this essay that casts a negative light on Ariana right before the nominations are announced. Unfortunately, people can be self-centered and selfish which I definitely think applies to both Ariana and Ethan. As for Ethan being her high school sweetheart, unfortunately not all relationships last. If she came through quite well, then this essay would have been an entry in her journal along with a discussion with her therapist, My hope for Lily is that she moves on and finds happiness again. We do need to stop being selective regarding which women should be criticized (Ariana) and which women we give a pass (Greta).
OMG get over yourself Ignoto.
Ari, dis you?
You do realize that editors determine publication schedules, right?
@Ignoto — For the love of God…her husband started an affair with another woman who he BROUGHT TO THEIR HOUSE TO MEET AND CUDDLE THEIR NEWBORN BABY. This has NOTHING to do with Ari’s Oscar aspirations. Dr. Lilly Jay didn’t “strike back [writing] this essay that casts a negative light on Ariana right before the nominations are announced”, Ethan and Ari destroyed their public personas long before the movie was released. They are both selfish, disrespectful and immoral people who deserve every bit of bad press they get no matter when and where. Show a little sympathy for a wife and new mother who was horribly wronged by her husband’s cruel adultery. It’s her right to express the sadness and hurt she experienced, as well as losing clients because of it, despite her career as a successful psychologist specializing in women’s issues JUST LIKE HERS. SMH…
The death of a marriage is a grief the same as the death of a person. Different people process and are ready to share feelings at different rates. Telling somebody to already be over something is disgusting. You might want to research how long it takes to get over this type of betrayal.
You clearly didn’t read it and it shows. How embarrassing.
Maybe Ariana should have considered her Oscar chances before she fucked a man with a newborn baby? FAFO literally.
Ari needs to hire a better reputation firm. Go cheap get cheap.
So y’all know. “Ignoto” is an Italian/Latin term for “Anonymous” (or “unknown”) and has been used historically by people who wish to withhold their names and comment anonymously.
This is OP “Anonymous” replying to themselves and it’s hilariously clunky. When they couldn’t get any takers on their original comment they jumped in to defend and prop up their own. In addition to choosing the same screenname, they have a few other tells, as well, but that’s the long and short of it.
That you Ariana?
For real, this criticism is bizarre. This would only be a comparable scandal if a lead actor of Barbie, say Margot Robbie, had had a very messy and public affair with an adjacent, smaller supporting character in the film and it also came out in dramatic fashion like this in post-production.
Greta Gerwig got with Noah over a decade ago and they are behind the cameras, not in front of them. For many people, directors are relatively unknown. They’ve heard their names perhaps but unless people were fans of independent film before Barbie, that movie was probably the first time they had heard of Greta or maybe Noah. Most people don’t know who they are. It’s not the same. It’s not about attractiveness, they’re just lesser known to general audiences.
Cynthia outsung and outacted Ariana in every single scene. She absolutely stole every scene she was in. The camera was captivated with her and so were we. Honestly, after hearing Amanda Seyfried, I wondered if she or Dove Cameron wouldn’t have done just as lovely of a job as Glinda.
I hope Lily Jay is having a great evening and I would absolutely hire her to be my therapist.
I see Ari’s management team has joined the chat.
Honestly. Well written. And I assume “The Cut” is the one who decided when to publish. She has no say on that. I really wish people would quit thinking writers of anything can say when a piece they pen hits the streets so to speak.
And also, I am glad she wrote this. I don’t get people acting like she should not talk about it (oh wait that’s just AG’s fans). And she in my opinion focuses almost entirely on her husband, marriage, relationship and the fallout from that. I bet she has lost work and clients, etc. People expect therapists to be perfect. I even asked my therapist how she was doing after the election and said, I hope you have someone you can vent to, I am sure you are hearing it from everyone this week.
She is much more physically attractive than him and not a pathetic cheater. She will land a much nicer and more deserving man, and she will thank the Universe for taking Ethan away from her in a few years. He is clearly a childish loser who has done nothing but ruin other people’s lives. And Ariana can live with the bad karma she has created… what goes around… once a cheater, always a cheater…
“Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.” When you’ve just had a baby you shouldn’t have to also worry that your husband might be cheating on you. I wish her well.
He cheated on her at her most vulnerable time. That is really unforgivable.
Upending your life to live in a different country with an 8 week old infant is a LOT to ask for. You are still physically healing, still adjusting to an extreme change in your life. I read from her essay that she had postpartum depression too which is usually still going on around 8 weeks (I had PPD from 6 weeks postpartum to 10 weeks). And he just said, “Nah, I don’t want to do this after all” and took off with the married messy woman-child. His kid is going to hate him.
Just an FYI that PPD can take place for up to a year after birth. My sister’s kicked in six months after birth when she went through a hormonal change and was so bad that she was suicidal.
“Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker.”
PURE. HELL.
Actually I would prefer her as a therapist even more after all she has been though. She has seen and lived some crazy sh*t. Those experiences mold us.
Also – he is the dumbest guy ever. She is better off without him.
I was so hoping you’d post about this. Slater definitely traded down. She’s a great writer and probably (only using this adjective because I don’t have firsthand knowledge) a brilliant clinician.
Wishing her all good things going forward.
He looks like a Scrub Daddy.
Casting director of ‘SpongeBob: The Broadway Musical’ agrees*
This was beautifully written, she writes so well! I didn’t know she was a psychologist! She is so hard on herself, as if her profession should have helped her see the signs and she missed something. I’m assuming she didn’t decide when to publish this and it was The Cut. Maybe she requested they not publish it during the promotion of Wicked , because it would have gone viral and Ariana and Ethan would have had to face some pointed questions during the press junkets. It’s the kind of engagement a publication would want. She also knows her son will one day be able to read everything about the end of his parents’ marriage. She comes across as not vindictive but it sounds like she’s still in pain and trying to process the end of her marriage. Some could argue she’s inviting more attention with this article but I just see it as her telling her side of the story and explaining not just the emotional effects but the professional side of it too. I hope Ethan and Ariana feel guilty for costing her jobs and income. I doubt they’ll last long either, guessing they’ll break up after awards season.
VilleRose, I think that writing about it can be helpful to others who have faced this.
He looks like an adolescent boy with coffee-stained baby teeth. They seem so incredibly mismatched – she’s so much better off without him.
I just don’t think physical appearance attacks are the way to go, well, ever. He has plenty of personality and behavioural faults to go after instead.
“Motherhood, I have learned, fills your time but not your mind.”
She summarized in this one perfect sentence what I always felt as a young mom but couldn’t express.
This was so well written
Probably wouldn’t have blown up so much if this wasn’t the way most of AG relationships started
Big Sean
Mac Miller
Pete Davidson
Ethan
Etc
There are so many beautiful lines in that essay, but this is one of my favorites: “Mine is a story of worrying in the wrong direction.”
I love that thought.
Dear LAWD, can this woman write!! I got nuthin’ on ES & AG, but this woman is a phenomenal writer and thinker. I love her self awareness — yes, she’s being hard on herself, but that’s what radical accountability looks like. We can only control ourselves.
Doctor, I salute you. I hope to read more of your writing, about less painful topics. ❤️
She probably dates whoever caters to her ego
How in the hell is this ugly dude pulling these women. His ex-wife is gorgeous, she was so out of his league. And then to treat the mother of your child that way. Disgusting. But also, wtf is wrong with Ariana??
I honestly didn’t think she is short selling herself. I think pre-eclampsia to pist patrum depression to a very public divorce and your husband then publicly jumping into a high profile relationship like you were gum stuck under his shoe probably was hard situation to navigate. Ethan is an ugly human being. Like its not just about physical beauty, it takes truly grotesque and horrifyingly ugly soul to do what he did to Lily and their baby. Ariana, well, she is soulless too. So, in a way, Ethan and Ariana deserve one another. It was a beautiful essay from Dr. Jay. Being a therapist with her own set of problems which were made public against her wishes was what she focused on mostly and I wish her nothing but the best. I hope she finds happiness, peace and success.
Yeah, I am glad she spoke about before award cycle too.
This is why I refused to go see Wicked. It felt like everyone either forgot about this whole scandal or just don’t care. All of the excessive crying during the Wicked interviews from Ariana and Cynthia seem manipulative when you keep this in mind. I wish nothing but the best for Lily and her son. Ariana & Ethan; the nicest thing I can say is, have some Shame.
He’s so unattractive, I don’t know how he landed Lilly or Ari. I wish nothing but healing and happiness for Lilly!
I still think after Wicked Part 2 comes out in Nov 2025. Ari will lose interest in him since the bubble (pun!) will burst for her. With the conclusion of the press junkets and award season. She wears men like fast fashion. And the next big movie or the next big video she will find her next fancy and ‘fall in love’ again. But for me separating art from the artist. She was phenomenal as Glinda. But an on set affair with two married people is still sleazy.
I thought it was a very thoughtful and well done essay. About watching your life and marriage fall apart when you have dedicated your life and heart to one person since you were literally a teenager. With the fallout of it being publicized so heavily. When you are just trying to get through the day. I didn’t get the sense she was victimizing herself or laying blame at anyone’s feet. It was just her experience and how she handled it.
Well Done Dr. Jay
She should write a book (about whatever she chooses) I’m sure she could find a publisher if they aren’t already scouting her out already
I will never understand how and why Ariana keeps getting “get out of jail free” cards. We’ve all known her to be a horrible human being for a long time. Maybe because she acted with some grace after the Manchester bombing? But truthfully, who wouldn’t? Remember how she would have her guards carry her so she wouldn’t have to walk? Remember the donut incident? How ridiculous she and Pete Davidson were when they first started dating? She’s obviously the kind of person who cannot stand to be alone and must always be the center of attention. Eventually she’ll dump this dumbass Ethan, and he’ll realize he’s been taken for a horrible ride.