Robert “Sparkles” Pattinson has geared up for his promotional tour for Remember Me, the film that looks like a stupidly modernized classic, like Rebel Without A Cause: My Daddy Is So Rich And That Sucks. Sparkles appeared on the Today Show this morning, and he did a hilarious press conference over the weekend. Access Hollywood notes that when Sparkles got some questions about his vagina-H8TER statements in Details, Sparkles replied: “I was just talking about this earlier. I was just saying like I had two lessons, don’t try and make jokes in interviews and then the second one is like, just don’t do interviews at all… Don’t talk about vaginas, people are very sensitive about them! Like, I know it’s funny, like it’s so funny how you know. The whole story was because I thought people would be offended by the photos and when they get offended by the little joking explanation of it…I don’t know, the world’s a weird place.”

As for the Today interview, they made Matt Lauer sit down with him! I would have paid to see Meredith Viera get her cougar claws into Sparkles, but Lauer seemed to be crushing on Sparkles too. The video of the interview is below, and I’ve pulled some quotes:

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“I just got used to my pat answers to all Twilight questions… I found them very, very easy. Now I’m just treading water in every interview. I was walking in here first of all, and Al outside was like, ‘So what’s Remember Me about?’ and I was like…” [scared look].

On playing Tyler in Remember Me: “He’s kind of sensitive; it’s a fairly sort of typical…it comes in a tradition of a long line of young male characters. The writing is just very subtle and seemed very realistic; he is kind of a Rebel Without a Cause type of thing. When I first read the script, there just seemed to be something about it; it didn’t really feel like a film; I couldn’t understand the reason behind it, but there seemed like there was a reason to do it; it wasn’t just written to be a film. There was just something special about it. I thought every part of it helped it become what it is.”

On Twilight, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn: “I don’t have anything particularly against vampires. I really honestly don’t mind [if Breaking Dawn gets broken into two films]. They’re great fun to work on, and people really like them. I could do them for awhile longer, except I don’t think I’m going to look 17 for very much longer. I haven’t seen [Eclipse] yet. I just saw the trailer yesterday; which is on the front of Remember Me, which is the title. I can never pronounce Remember Me.”

On the Details interview: “If I didn’t have to do interviews, then I wouldn’t do any. Nothing against anyone. No one’s particularly interesting. If you just do pat answers to things, then people get sick of you for that; if you try to think of something to say, then people get sick of you for that.” Then he joked, “The thing with the naked women—I offered to do a naked photo shoot and no one wanted to see it. We started off with me naked, and they were like, just forget it.”

[Transcribed by The Examiner]

CB thinks Sparkles is trying to make himself look bad, but I don’t even think he looks that horrible. His hair is okay, he needs a shave and a shower, but he looks okay to me. I find him very funny and sweet, like a young, scruffy, sparkly Hugh Grant. Which, you know, there are worse things to be. And I just love his British accent! Swoon.

Robert Pattinson on March 1, 2010 in New York, and at the BAFTAs on February 21, 2010, in London. Credit: WENN.