One of our favorite things to do here at Celebitchy is to give Heather Mills a hard time. She seems to be pretty much universally hated, has a bad attitude and a sucking-on-a-lemon face, and generally looks like a cow chewing it’s cud at least 93 percent of the time. And from the comments, it seemed like nearly everyone agreed. So I’m not sure exactly how to interpret the fact that FHM magazine is claiming that Heather has managed to make it on their list of the world’s 100 sexiest women.

Former glamor model Heather Mills is set to be crowned one of the world’s sexiest women in a new poll. Mills has shocked bosses at British magazine FHM by racking up more than 1,000 votes a day in their online poll to name the world’s 100 most attractive females. The magazine claims the 40-year-old’s popularity has been heightened by her very public divorce to veteran rocker Sir Paul McCartney. Chris Bell, FHM’s deputy editor, says, “Heather Mills has always been vilified as a gold-digger with a dubious past. But readers have realised she’s about to become the world’s most eligible – and richest – women.” Mills is currently number 95 on the top 100 list – ahead of socialite Paris Hilton, singer Gwen Stefani and actress Kirsten Dunst.

[From Contact Music]

I’ll wait while you pick your jaw off the floor. How is this even possible? Could it be that the numbers are lying? Could all the numbers be lying? Could this be evidence that math isn’t really real, or true, or accurate? Could Heather Mills getting on this list actually shake the very fundamental concepts of physics? Might the universe actually implode now? I’m guessing that – considering this poll was done online and voted for by anyone – Heather somehow had a bunch of people voting for her everyday. FHM doesn’t say if they logged IP addresses and/or did anything to prevent people from voting multiple times. But if this world makes ANY sense, Heather Mills must have beaten the system. There is no freaking way that creature is one of the 100 sexiest women, I don’t care how much money she’s worth. I would bet most men would rather sleep with a Paris Hilton-Gwen Stefani-Kirsten Dunst hybrid with no eyeballs, no hair, and only one limb that’s located in the middle of the hybrid’s sternum than sleep with Heather Mills on her very sexiest day. I truly feel ill.

Here’s Heather Mills at her divorce hearing on 2/18/2008. Images thanks to PR Photos.